12. Never Ask Permission For Something That Already Belongs To You
A pep talk for the validation and permission seekers who know better...
The first from my “Letters From the In-Between” series. These are reflections written from my messy middle of dreaming, doubting, and still doing it anyway.
The screen was blinking aggressively. So much so that it should’ve come with one of those photosensitivity/epilepsy warnings. Its bright red light flooded across the sold-out stadium during Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter concert.
“Never ask permission for something that already belongs to you”.
Even though I’d already seen an image of it floating around the internet, it still hit me right in my chest. Those words didn’t feel like a suggestion or a passive quotable. They felt like a direct dare.
Because if we’re being honest, I’ve asked for a lot of permission in my life.
I’ve waited for someone to say “you’re ready.” Waited for someone to hand me space. Waited to be validated before I shared something. Waited for someone to co-sign my own vision/direction, the exact same one I know God already assigned to me in a dream.
The waiting has for sure cost me my time, sanity, creativity and many restless nights.
Beyoncé, on the other hand? She literally built the stage and reminded us all throughout that she didn’t reach her heights by waiting for permission.
Her performance in front of about 100,000 people, most of them not even from her home country, reminded me just how global your impact can be when you stop waiting to be accepted by the status quo.
Cowboy Carter isn’t just an album, it’s a case study on audacity. She’s been snubbed. She’s been rejected. She’s been told no, more than any of us will ever know. And yet… she persists. She’s literally a magician. She’s who I picture when I think of an audacious woman.
No one gave her the mic to tell her country tale, she took it, because the song was already hers.
So, here we are. Somewhere along the lines, you and I we were taught to knock on doors we already have the key to. The hesitation, the back-and-forth, the need for the "right" job, the "right" time, the “right” yes, I’ve discovered is a trauma response.
Those voices that say, “Wait your turn.” "Fall in line” “Keep it safe.”, or “Not too much.”, get louder when we are validation-seekers and/or have a very normal fear of rejection.
I wrote something before in this newsletter about how the moon is always whole. READ MORE ON THAT HERE. I stand by this metaphor. Giving ourselves permission would look allowing ourselves to show up at all phases even when we feel, or have been told, that we are incompetent, unprepared, or unfit.
Giving ourselves permission also looks like:
Not waiting for approval to do something that already checks out to you
Choosing the messy path because it’s also what feels the most aligned
Speaking up even if your voice shakes.
Showing up even when no one is clapping.
Or, even changing the color of your walls simply because you can…
Asking for permission or seeking validation to fulfill your ideas and desires and moves is behavior reflective of captivity, which is exactly opposite of what we are seeking.
I don’t need to know what you’re waiting for permission for. All I know is that you can bust down the door, or just go through the window round the back.
Don’t be shy, permit yourself to get what already has your name on it.
With love,
Tyshaia
Journal Questions
Where in my life am I still waiting for permission?
What is one small way I can give myself permission this week?
How can I practice free will this week? (#FreewillFriday, maybe?)
What am I pretending I’m not ready for even though I know I am?
If you wrote a permission slip to your younger self, what would it say?